Now that you´ve started with strategy one, it will be easy to get rid of some pressure that is useless and demotivating.

Let´s have a look at the expressions “must“, “have to” and “should“. It is not necessarily the case that these words are negative for you. Like always, check your feelings, to figure out whether a thought makes you feel bad or feels like pressure.

People always think a person is motivated, when he or she WANTS to do something. That is mostly true. If we do things we are not so motivated to do, however, people tend to think “I have to do this!” and it doesn´t feel so good. It seems like there´s a dichotomy between things you want to do and things you are supposed to do. But that is nto true. The more you can see your long term goals, the more your behavior makes sense. The more you get into “why you do things” the more you will like them.

But how can you do this? It´s very easy. Now that you already focused on the “negative” thoughts, concentrate now also on must/ have to and should to get the bigger picture.

Let´s say you get up in the morning with the negative thought “I have to get up now!”.

(Reminder: this is quite negative- so you can also use strategy one and shove a carrot afterwards. “Maybe I want to get up soon”, or “There will be days where I want to get up”.  And you will see, this thoughts will be reduced!)

Now we want to get rid of must, have to and should, because those thoughts produce pressure which is demotivating and no fun at all. Now, whenever you think “I have to get up”, add another sentence: “I want to get up, because…”

You can just see what creativity and knowledge now releases for you. Try it. Think: I want it, because…and wait what is coming to your mind. You´ll be amazed, if you do that everyday, how many explanations you will find. Some examples for you:

I want to get up,because

• I hate beeing late.
• I want to dring a nice and tasty coffee.
• I want to have time to hang out a little bit before I go.
• I like it that I am a responsible person.
• I am reliable.
• I am in charge of everything.
• I am a good example for my kids,
• I am competent.

If you look at the bigger picture you get even more reasons

• I am a person really able to work hard to attain my goals.
• I am succeeding because of my ability to see long-term gratification.
• my life is getting better and better because of my determination.
• I´m rather a winner than a quitter.
• I´m in control.

Like with strategy one, you´ll soon notice a shift in your feelings. It is like a game- always contradicting your “must”- sentences. For me it didn´t take long to almost delete these words. It is great: at the beginning you get more and more aware and you can control your talk,too. I think it is very important to control speech. Especially when you are talking to co-workers, employees or customers: many, many people react very senstive on these words. People even get aggressive and show quite al lot of resistence if your sentence begins with “You should…” , “Don´t you think you have to…”

Imagine, somebody says to you: “You must do this today!” (How does that feel? How motivated are you?)

And now replace this statement with “If you manage to do that today, we can…”- That feels much better, doesn´t it. Not only for me as a counselor, but for everybody interacting with others it makes sense to be aware of the thumbscrews. Within you it might build some pressure. With others it is worse. You either build pressure or you get on their bad side or both. Give it a try, it will change your interactions big time.