Diary of a pure positive mind

Enjoying instability – or why Donald is a Dagobert

It was quite a hard time I went through, because I was having a very persistent flu and because of all the issues I am having with my  break-up. I still had my positive expectations and a very deep trust into myself and into humanity, but daily hassles and feeling physically bad made me weak. The beliefs that I changed, remain changed. No doubt. I am a positive thinker in many occasions, but I was confronted with strange and negative feelings in the morning or at night and diffuse fear overcame me.

The feelings were so unseizable, that I wasn´t able to use my strategies. I couldn´t name what was going wrong, so I couldn´t shift it. Because I am a psychologist and working with depressed clients and anxiety patients I could feel the positive side of it pretty fast. It is such a blessing, that I was ruminating about my fears and problems, because I could feel again, how uncontrollable that can be. ( I was depressed when I was a teenager, so I always had been able to relate to a certain extent, but now I am actually feeling it with every fibre of my body). If you a really into such an anxiety and ruminating circle, there is the point of no return. If you are not completely absorbed yet you can maybe distract yourself or talk yourself out of it. But when you are really in the suck of it, it seems that you can´t do anything. Once you are in a fear or depression mode, it is like a strong current in a torrential river. Swimming against it will help nothing. You get really exhausted! That is what is happening to any depressed person! People expect you to go on swimming, but you´ve got no power anymore. So just let go! Let the stream bring you on. You will be a very different place then and the water will be quiet again. Don´t hold onto anything.

I suddenly felt a lot of clarity about that topic. It feels to me, that I can get further insights and I might find true tools, to deal with depression symptoms. That made my positivity take over again completely. I now feel like I can be very happy experiencing negative feelings, too. I am truly accepting and celebrating my weakness and my instability. I know I can let go. I will laugh when I am happy and I will just cry when I am sad. (Crying seeems to be a part of letting go very often). Although I was a lot under pressure sometimes, because I thought: “I got these strategies! I should be happy ALL the time! (It worked for almost five years in a row!!) I want a good mood ALL the time!”, I now embrace the doubt and the missing “completeness” of the positivity state. Donald Trump came to my mind: he must have strategies too, to be positive about himself all the time, but what a horrible imbecile do you get when you never truly question yourself? Self-doubt, weakness and instability is important to connect with others and to show us, that we are all equal. I love it! I want to be the same as everybody. I don´t want to be above all. I want to be within. It is great. Donald Trump might be thinking very positively, too. But his aim is status and money. Not the advancement of others and the happiness of society. He is just egoistic. I believe we can get really and truly happy, successful and motivated if we feel very connected to others and if we enhance others, too. We are made for empathy and the greatest joy is improving together and helping others to get happy. Just trying to enhance your own wealth and status like Trump is so inferior and cheap and I guess we should rather call him Dagobert than Donald. We can have so much more- we can be so much more as humanity- and I am really enjoying working on it.