Doubting the doubt

Making it work

Doubting the doubt

I am getting back into A-mode quite frequently now. But the problem I was struggeling with, seems to be different than I thought.

I assumed, that it is the percentage of negative thought, (the trevor-index) that makes you slip into A-mode, when kept very, very small. The last weeks I caught myself by thinking negative or sceptical thoughts and was angry about myself. There were times where it worked so easily, now it feels like more work or effort, to always remind myself.

[su_box title=”A-MODE” style=”soft” radius=”10″]Appreciation-mode: the state you get in when you predominantly think positive thought. A joyful and happy state full of positive expectation and acceptance.[/su_box]

Today I had a different notion: what if, I always had bad thoughts, too, but didn´t pay enough attention? It seems to me, like there were always aspects in my life that were negative and I realized them and thought about them. What is different now? Maybe I am getting even more aware every single day. It seems to me as if I am aware of my thoughts all the time. Yesterday I drove to friends and during that ride I had some negative rumination going on about money and how my ex-husband wants to solve things. I noticed that I thought about it and told myself: stop it now. Think something different. But then he called me again and wanted to discuss the topic and I was annoyed. After hanging up I went on thinking about it. Realizing I thought about it, I stopped the thought again just to catch myself later thinking about it again.

But it was only half an hour or so and I distracted myself by singing in the car. I really believe that I had bad thoughts, too in autumn last year, but I didn´t have the focus on it. It happened, but I neither worried nor thought too much about it. But A-mode really is helping a lot. Because once you are having the ease and the light feeling of appreciation, it is so easy to ignore negative thoughts. When you are in A-mode  a whole set of positive expectations and positive beliefs is activated in the background. I remember myself having had severe problems with my ex in the past, and thinking: “I know everything will work out for me. I know I am fine and I can think postive, no matter what. I am so happy to be so positive for I know the bad things will go away and good things are always coming to me”. That times I really thought: if I am truly positive, either my husband would change his mind, so our problems would vanish or we would split, but never did I have a negative expectation about that. I truly believe, that I can have awesome, nice and appreciating relationships with people around me. I can have fun and joy moments all the time. Especially now I am spending a lot of time with very nice people, establish friendships, mutual acceptance for who we really are. I am so happy about that.

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